The Shame of Being Fired
And the beginning of understanding why
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
— Socrates“Each of you should use whatever gifts you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
— 1 Peter 4:10
Teddy Roosevelt said this, and it makes me think about entrepreneurship. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
I was fired from a job in real estate in 2009. It was like having my heart ripped out. I took a job at ACE hardware, started tutoring Spanish, and hoped for a new opportunity to come soon. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t be like my “normal” friends who worked in banking and real estate. I was constantly asking myself: “Why couldn’t I just be part of the crowd and work a ‘normal’ job?!?!?!”
An older friend from church (Steve) began mentoring me shortly after I was fired. It was a gift that came out of left field, and I was so grateful for his friendship. Steve was an amazing man. He was an accomplished ministry leader, at the time serving as President of a seminary, and he was also instrumental in my church. He genuinely cared about the people he met, and he understood the art of instilling wisdom and life via conversation. He knew people, and he knew how to engage them. He began walking me through a process of better understanding “How” I was made, and what it would look like to use the the raw material inside of me. He posed four questions:
What am I really good at? This is NOT, “What am I really good at that can support me financially?”, nor was it “What am I really good at that ‘makes sense’?” The question was: “What am I really good at?”
Some of my examples: being enthusiastic, brainstorming, finances, editing, fearlessness, etc.
What do I really, really like? This is not a practical list of things I like. It’s an exhaustive list of things I enjoy, regardless of practicality - or proficiency.
Some of my examples: sports, Spanish, competition, travel, learning, math, exercise, etc.
What has God given me a heart for?
This question is really about engaging with God and our own heart to understand what he is saying to us.
What are the areas of persistent struggles in my life? OR, what are the deep, dark lies that I believe about myself?
At this time in my life, I was really struggling with my career and why I couldn’t fit in like my friends in the corporate world. I was also struggling with being desirable, especially since I had recently been fired and was very single at the time.
For the first question (What am I really good at?), I was instructed to engage my friends and peers to hear their input. This is sort of a mini 360 review. Once I got their feedback in an email, I compiled the lists to look for themes. This REALLY helped me to confirm some of my initial thoughts on this question, as well as dispel some of the insecurities I had about myself. This entire process was vulnerable; it was also transformative. I think vulnerability is a direct link to transformation. But it’s still scary.
At this point in my career, I had worked in banking, started a few small businesses, and been fired from a job in real estate. Steve helped me to understand that I was not built like my more “corporate” friends. I was built like an entrepreneur, specifically someone that can grow a business. We didn’t think I was a great fit for starting a business from scratch, but instead someone that needed some momentum in an existing business to then begin to grow it. How do you get momentum in business? You buy a business (more on this later). And “Yes”, I was that naive/stupid/idealistic/trusting/hopeful/optimistic to quickly begin going down that road.
Are you engaging in transformative vulnerability? Are you willing to risk your pride, ego, and potential pain to learn, grow, and be transformed? I think we have to first understand that God loves us before engaging in this vulnerability. From there, I think it’s imperative that we take the time to understand How he built us, and what it looks like to use - or steward - the gifts he’s given us. It also takes time to get comfortable with How he built us, at least it has for me. Are you on a journey of discovering the gifts he’s giving you? Are you getting comfortable with those?
Isaiah 42:16: “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” Let’s get comfortable with being blind and asking for help. Mentors can be an incredibly useful tool to help us see what we are blind to, and to help us navigate the paths before us.